Listen to Memories
by Katheryn Mae
Summary: Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore reflect on a day in their lives. MMAD. major angst warning.
1. Giving In

Part One – Giving In

AN: Thanks to sternenbilder on YouTube for making the amazing Albus/Minerva video of this song.

Disclaimer: JKR _still _owns Harry Potter. I highly doubt that I ever will and P!nk owns the song "I Don't Believe You".

Takes place around the fall of 1991. Disregards all HP events after Harry meets Hagrid.

* * *

Her eyes tried to hold back tears as he brushed past her. His head turned for a fraction of a second as he pulled open the door. Then he was gone. The realization came crashing down on her a few seconds later as the tears spilled from her eyes – soaking the front of her robes and the handkerchief she had pulled from her robes.

_I don't mind it_

_I don't mind at all_

Minerva McGonagall wasn't one to cry, but she could hold it back any longer. She knew that this would happen – when he confessed his love for her – he'd push her away, just like she knew he would. It wasn't safe for them, it never was. Nor was it legal. But she didn't care and since the day she had begun her teaching career at Hogwarts, slowly she had been falling for him.

_It's like you're the swing set_

_And I'm the kid that falls_

Of course he was the greatest wizard said to have walked the earth besides Merlin himself – yet that didn't stop her for one moment. His twinkling blue eyes that made her laugh, and his voice that she knew she adored so much. Yet, she knew Albus Dumbledore was never one to risk losing someone he loved.

_It's like the way we fight_

_The times I've cried_

"Minerva – we can't," he had caught her off guard and her eyes met his.

"Why?" She had whispered, feeling tears well up behind her eyes. Then, he had turned from her, staring across the grounds, watching the sun set in the sky.

"It's too dangerous," his voice was as serious as she could remember.

"I don't care," Her strength had surprised her and she had reached for him, and he had willingly enfolded her in his arms as she cried. Albus had held her for what seemed like forever, then he pulled away suddenly, caressing her cheek.

"I _care _Minerva," he whispered to her, "I could lose you. And, it's illegal."

That was it, her eyes narrowed and she visibly saw him wince under he glare - "I don't give a damn what the ministry wants." She snapped.

"Good bye Minerva," he kissed her cheek then swept from the room, sparing her one last glance.

_We come to blows_

_And every night_

_The passion's there_

That had been merely three months ago, and still she knew, he still cared for her. She knew it. The way he brushed against her hand at every meal, letting her know that he was still there. How his eyes' twinkling seemed to increase ten times as much when she entered the room. When she needed comforting, he was there for her, even if he didn't know _he _was the reason she cried to herself for hours on end.

_So it's got to be right_

_Right?_

Every now and then, she stared at the one picture she could look at fondly and smile – even if it was of her and Albus. They had gone to the seaside of Italy on a conference and had arrived a day early. Later, Albus had surprised her completely and told her to get dressed up and that they were going to dinner. For once, she had worn her hair down, and she wore a light blue floor-length dress that showed off a bit of her figure. He had been so taken with her beauty that night, when they returned to their hotel room, he had kissed her cheek briefly before retreating onto the balcony to watch the stars, leaving her to wonder if their friendship could blossom into something more.

_No I don't believe you_

_When you say don't come around here no more._

Once, a few days later, she had shown Albus the photograph and calmly, he had taken it from her, and in one fluid motion, torn it from top to bottom, dropping the halves at her feet. Then he had given her one glare, and watching her every move, he had bent at her feet, and picked up the halves. Again, he tore them, and again, concentrating on her expression. After the pieces had fallen to her feet in knut-sized pieces, he looked into her eyes.

"All you have left in your memories." He whispered.

_I won't remind you_

_You said we wouldn't be apart._

_No I don't believe you_

_When you say you don't need me anymore._

But he hadn't known, known that she had spent almost three hours after that, pasting the pieces together one by one until their smiling faces faced her once again.

_So don't pretend to_

_Not love me at all_

Then when Lily and James had been murdered, he had held her in his arms, stroking her hair as it fell loosely in his grasp around her shoulders. She had loved him then – and him, her – and when she had been done crying, he had kissed away each of her tears, then last, he had captured his lips in a passionate first kiss.

_I don't mind it_

_I still don't mind at all._

Sometimes she considered it. A Memory Charm? Death? Would it help? Her … yes … a little – she decided. Albus … was she honestly worried about harming him mentally after what he did to her? _Yes …_yes – she loved him, more than anything.

_It's like one of those bad dreams_

_When you can't wake up._

She tossed and turned that night, then finally slipped from her bed. And crossed the room, staring from her window. A lone figure, one of the few staff members staying that summer, crossed the courtyard. But at a closer look, she spotted a long silver beard and tears filled her eyes as his head turned to look at her window.

_It looks like you've given up_

_You've had enough._

_But I want more_

_No I won't stop._

Turning from the window, she drew her curtains and crossed to the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. After a few moments hesitation, she turned on the hot water faucet, and poured in a lavender power, hoping to clear her mind for an hour.

_Because I just know_

_You'll come around._

She slipped into the tub, the nightly edition of the Daily_ Prophet_ resting on the floor besides her dressing gown. Closing her eyes, she dipped her head under the still-running faucet and lathered her hair in a ginger shampoo that Albus had gifted her with the previous fall for her birthday.

_Right?_

Stepping from the tub, she wrapped a towel around her hair and quickly dried herself off in a second towel, then, after a short internal debate, wrapped herself in a silken, lilac colored pressing gown that Albus had also given her that fall.

_Just don't stand there and watch me fall_

_Because I, because I still don't mind at all_

She pushed the wet towels under the sink and drained the tub while washing her face with soap and water, trying to rid herself of her worries. Stepping into her living room, which, in respect of size of the staff rooms, also held her dresser and bed, she dropped a stack of old letters that she and Albus had written at the feet of her favorite chair.

_It's like the way we fight_

_The times I've cried._

Making her bed, Minerva slipped off the necklace she had received from her mother when she had begun her schooling at Hogwarts, wrapped it in a handkerchief and laid it besides the letters. Then, opening the bottom drawer in her dresser, Minerva removed a box of stationary and tore off half a sheet and pulled out an ordinary Muggle pencil.

_We come to blows_

_And every night._

She wrote quickly with a fast and hand and her words were distinguishable even after her tears fell on the paper.

_I love you. Minerva _

Knowing who would be the first to see her tomorrow, when he came to wake her and escort her to the Great Hall for breakfast, she let Albus' image float to the top of her mind as she laid the paper besides the letters, necklace and the box of stationary.

_The passion's there_

_So it's got to be right, _

_Right?_

Picking up her wand, she closed her eyes, "I love you Albus Dumbledore." She whispered, her wand pointed at the mirror before her.

"Avada Kendavra."

_I don't believe you_

And with a last, quiet breath, tears staining her cheeks – Minerva McGonagall fell, her wand landing besides the pile of letters.

* * *

AN: Please don't kill me! *cowers* If you felt tocuhed or just are upset that she's dead, please review.


	2. Realizations

AN: Thanks for everyone who reviewed, and yes, I am sorry. Yes, Minerva is dead and no, even though I haven't been asked yet, she is not going to come back to life. She is dead.

Takes place the morning after.

Disclaimer: JKR really does own Harry Potter and Nickelback owns the song "I'd Come For You."

Disregards all evens after Harry meets Hagrid.

* * *

_Just one more moment, that's all that's needed.  
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing._

He made his way across the courtyard and glanced up at her window, _odd, _he thought to himself, _her curtains are still closed. _A deep sense of forbidding and guilt rose up in his chest and he shook his head, trying to ignore it. Making his way into the tower where her chambers lay, he hurried up the staircase, noticing that breakfast would be beginning in a few moments.

_Time to be honest, this time I'm pleading  
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it._

He paused at the door, knocked once and waited, leaning against the door. Turning again, he knocked a second time and upon hearing no answer, Albus Dumbledore pushed open the door.

_I can't believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground  
But it doesn't matter cause I made it up. _

She lay draped across the arm of a chair, as if she were sleeping, her eyes her closed and her wand lay at her feet – next to a pile of letters. _Those _letters – one numerous ones he had thought her had gotten rid of. He made his way across the room and smiled fondly at her sleeping figure.

"Minerva, it's almost time for breakfast – you overslept."

_Forgive me now.  
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out_

"Minerva?" Albus' voice became more worried when she didn't respond and he reached for her, hoping he would wake her. As his fingertips touched her arm, he drew back and surprise, her skin was ice cold. Dread filled his chest as he rose to stare into her face, his eyes searching for a sign of life.

_Gotta be some way that I can make it  
up to you now, somehow._

_No_, he thought, shaking his head. _Minerva's just fooling around with me. _He smiled, knowing exactly what would wake her up as he brought his lips to hers. They remained that way for a few moments then he felt tears begin to slip down his cheeks, landing her hair, which was still damp, as if she had bathed before – well … he didn't believe it.

_By now you know that  
I'd come for you_

"Poppy!" Albus cried, bursting into the Hospital Wing moments later, Minerva cradled in his arms. He had tucked the pile of letters, her wand, necklace and her note into her pockets, making sure they wouldn't be found.

_No one but you, yes I'd come for you  
But only if you told me to_

The mediwitch came towards them, her eyes widening as she ran towards the figure in Albus' arms.

"Minerva," her eyes darkened, "what happened?" she spoke the second part to Albus, knowing the witch in his arms wouldn't respond.

"No idea," Albus responded faintly, tracing her features with a shaking finger, "please, tell me she's not dead." He whispered, more hot tears slipping down his face.

"She's dead." Poppy Pomfrey whispered, her eyes staring at the floor, "bring her back up to her rooms."

_And I'd fight for you  
I'd lie, it's true_

Albus cradled her in his arms, ignoring the surprised looks from a few members of the staff as he pushed open her door, leaving it to slam shut behind her. Nudging back the thick, woolen covers of her bed, Albs laid Minerva on it and tucked her in gently, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring around the room.

_Give my life for you  
You know I'd always come for you_

Removing Minerva's wand from his pocket, he held it in his hand, "Prior Incantato," he whispered, waiting quietly. Then his eyes widened as the spell took effect. A faint outline of a mirror with golden rimmed edges, and a figure pointing it's wand towards it. The green light of the spell shot from the wand tip and hit the memory-mirror and the figure collapsed – falling gracefully to the floor.

_I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing  
My mind was closing, now I'm believing_

"Minerva …" Albus whispered, "my Minerva." Tears fell fast and thick, blurring his vision.

"Albus?" Poppy had returned and she held a steaming mug of hot cocoa, "I'll inform the staff that you nor Minerva will be at breakfast today..." Her voice trailed away and she left quietly, leaving the wizard alone.

_I finally know just what it  
means to let someone in …_

His eyes had not blinked once since he watched the spell take effect and now he blinked rapidly, his eyes still fixed on the woman besides him.

_To see the side of me that no one does or ever will_

_So if you're ever lost and find yourself all alone_

Rising, Albus moved slowly around the room and, as if it was planned, his eyes caught a familiar photograph. He picked it up, and his eyes widened. It was the photograph they had taken when in Italy on their conference – he could still remember it. The way Minerva had looked at him made it plain to him that she loved him, even then, almost thirty years ago – she loved him. Then, he had loved her more than anything, even life itself, but he was too scared to show it. But when she had stepped from the bathroom that evening wearing that baby blue, floor length dress, he momentarily forgot to breathe.

_I'd search forever just to bring you home,  
Here and now this I vow._

Her figure was almost flawless as he could remember. The dress showed off every curve of her body and he felt completely lost in her beauty as she stepped towards him.

"Ready Headmaster?" she had laughed, her voice much lighter than he remembered. Then, hesitantly, he had placed one hand on her back, and kissed her cheek,.

"Ready when you are my dear," he had whispered.

_No matter what gets in my way  
As long as there's still life in me_

Now he regretted that night, when she had come to him, carrying the photograph which, he too, gazed so fondly at every night. He held it between his fingers, tracing each of the torn edges and then bent down, grasping the pile of letters in his hand, and tucked the photograph in between two of them.

_No matter what, remember you know  
I'll always come for you_

He then rested them besides Minerva's head, a little higher up and towards the right, so the first rays of sunlight could peer into the curtains and shine upon them.

_No matter what gets in my way  
As long as there's still life in me_

He brushed his lips against the witch laying on the bed and rose, walking towards the mirror, staring as his reflection. Tears stained his face and his eyes were bloodshot and red from crying.

_No matter what, remember you know  
I'll always come for you_

He raised his wand, pointing it at the blinds and they swished open, light streaming onto Minerva's face, and smiling, Albus pointed his wand towards the mirror.

_I'd crawl across this world for you  
Do anything you want me to_

"Hold on Minerva," Albus whispered, "I'm coming for you." His wand hand dropped a few inches and he closed his eyes.

"Avada Kendavra."

_No matter what, remember you know  
__I'll always come for you  
You know I'll always come for you_

And as the spell hit him, he staggered backwards, falling onto the bed besides Minerva, his wand hand clasped in her cold one.

* * *

AN: Still one more part! And please ... don't kill me for killing them both.


	3. Again

Disclaimer: Like everything else I've written, JKR owns Harry Potter and Nickelback owns "Far Away".

Note: This part contains some forms of religious beliefs, so if that offends you in any way then I ask you don't flame me on it.

Sorry it took me so long, this chapter was really hard for me to write.

* * *

_This time, this place_

_Misused, Mistakes_

_Too long, too late_

_Who was I to make you wait_

Minerva McGonagall turned in her sleep – or so she thought it was. Then the final impact of the last few hours hit her, she was dead. She had killed herself. But for some reason, she still felt the pain of Albus' rejection in her chest as she rose and looked around.

_Just one chance_

_Just one breath_

_Just in case there's just one left_

The room she was in was relatively small, compared to her former quarters at Hogwarts - about ten square feet. The bed took up most of the room but besides that, there wasn't much else in the room except a tattered book and a broken lamp. She sighed, for a split second, almost regretting her choice.

_'Cause you know,_

_You know, you know_

The door opened and a dark figure stepped into the room, and made it's way towards her. They placed a hand her arm and turned her face towards theirs. And in a voice so painstakingly familiar to her, they whispered the words she was dreading, and longing, to hear.

"I'm here Minerva, everything will be alright now."

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

Albus wrapped his arms around her waist and held her as sobs shook her small frame. Her fingers dug into his back and her hot tears soaked his robes, "Minerva," he whispered quietly, "don't cry." But even as he spoke, he knew that she would ignore him completely. Her eyes, slightly red from tears, turned towards him, and when she spoke, her voice shook.

"Why Albus?"

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_

_And you'll never go_

"I love you Minerva," Albus whispered, "I … I'm sorry – " he paused, brushing his lips against her cheek, "– for everything I've done." He held her hands in his and caressed her tear-stained cheeks with his thumb, "Please, forgive me."

_Stop breathing if_

_I don't see you anymore_

"I … I don't know if I can," Minerva's voice trembled. Then she shook her head, "I mean I can, in my heart, but I don't know if I can say it, out loud, I mean." A few more tears slipped down her cheeks, creating new trails as more followed, "I love you more than anything else Albus, I just can't seem to find the right words."

_On my knees, I'll ask_

_Last chance for one last dance_

He nodded, "Same with me," Albus replied, ignoring the brief flash of annoyance in Minerva's green eyes. Trying to make it up to her, Albus sighed, "Well, I mean, I understand what you mean, and it's the same here."

_'Cause with you, I'd withstand_

_All of hell to hold your hand_

"I mean it Minerva," Albus whispered, "you ... what you did." He gazed at the floor, "I don't think I could have even done that."

_I'd give it all_

_I'd give for us_

"But you did," Minerva protested, causing Albus to look up at her, "You did." She repeated, albeit quieter, as if closing a promise.

_Give anything but I won't give up_

_'Cause you know,_

_you know, you know_

"I came for you," Albus whispered, "Just like I promised I would."

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

"Yes," Minerva confirmed his words, "you promised me that. And you did, I could never have asked you to." Albus felt slightly embarrassed at what she was implying, but he looked into her eyes.

"I promised you," he whispered, "I could never break a promise like that."

_And I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

"But..." Minerva began to protest again, but Albus held up his hand. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her up besides him, resting his lips on her forehead. He ran his fingers through her hair, eyes closed, partly in thought, partly in relaxation.

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_

_And you'll never go_

Minerva's arms found their way around Albus' neck and she rested her head on his shoulder, staring out of a small window by the door. She too, closed her eyes, relaxing, finally, in Albus' arms.

_Stop breathing if_

_I don't see you anymore_

She could remember, ever since she had begun her teaching career at Hogwarts, that each moment they had spent together as coworkers, friends or lovers - they was always tension in the air. But it was true, even when Albus had told her he loved her and would never let her go, she knew the expression he was giving her. Even late at night, when the two of them were alone, their expressions were always guarded, never showing their true feelings to their greatest extent.

_So far away_

_Been far away for far too long_

She missed his arms around her, and the way his beard would often tickle her neck when he kissed her. But now, it seemed like everything was wrong, everything was upside down.

_So far away_

_Been far away for far too long_

She looked up when he noticed the guarded expression in her eyes and sighed softly, closing her eyes.

"This feels so wrong." Minerva whispered, turning away from Albus and glancing towards the tattered book on the table.

_But you know, you know, you know_

"But why?" Albus asked, his fingers tracing her cheekbone softly.

_I wanted_

_I wanted you to stay_

"It's not right," Minerva began, ignoring Albus' confused look as she hurried on, "I mean, it's just ... this isn't what we wanted Albus. I never, in all my life, imagined being here with you now." Stepping from his arms, she sank onto the bed, "If only you could go back ... you shouldn't have had to suffer the same fate."

_'Cause I needed_

_I need to hear you say_

"There's no suffering involved my love," he responded, "just promise me that we'll always be here -- together."

_That I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

Pain flashed across Minerva's face and suddenly, she looked worn and tired, years of pent up emotions suddenly making themselves known. "Forgive me Albus ... for this."

_And I forgive you_

_For being away for far too long_

"How can I forgive you for something you did not do? I caused you this pain Minerva," Albus looked annoyed that she didn't understand what he thought.

_So keep breathing_

_'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

"I suppose I can..." Minerva smiled slowly, brushing her lips against Albus' cheek.

_Hold on to me and, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

"I'll never leave you Minerva McGonagall," Albus promised, kissing her forehead.

_'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

"And me to you Albus."

_Hold on to me and, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

Albus pulled Minerva against his chest, and captured her lips in a searing kiss.

_Hold on to me and, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

"I'll never let you go."

_Hold on to me and, never let me go_

* * *

AN: _Listen to Memories_ is done. Thanks for reviewing!


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